one more chance to prove these lies

i'm a new face.

there's way too many times a day when i wish i could just throw on my sweats and head off into a direction most people like to call nowhere. i'm accepted for who i am and what i do, but sometimes it's not enough to be classified as normal, as average. there is too wide of a spectrum of the word 'special.' special, mentally unable. special, extraordinarily brilliant. if i had the chance to be either, which would i choose? perhaps i'd feel better being simple-minded, ridiculously carefree, and understandably happy. with the time to watch this trail of thought leave its mark in my mind, i look. i look at what i am, and i look at what i was. amazing can describe lots of things. not i. i hide from what i don't want to see. i avoid everything i'd rather leave behind. i try to hate, so much, something i've lost. but the bitter feeling, it won't walk away on its own. so today, i try to be a little less oblivious. this weekend, it's just an excuse for me to be lazy; so i'll change it. because i have the chance to, i just don't use it. how many times God hands me my undeserved opportunities to set things right, and how many times i refuse to accept them. so i'll forgive. i'll love, i'll keep my promises. i'll tell the truth, i'll laugh, cry, smile when i feel it appropriate. no more replays. just restarts.