i never got to tell you

here i am, sitting in this chair. my old pink glasses resting on my nose, my oversized shirt eating me up. my sweatpants comfortably warming my legs. my room is a mess. i could probably use a shower. my hair isn't the prettiest thing in the world, and i'm a sight to see. but God is here. i can feel it. but i feel stationary in a world of change. i feel locked onto a spot forever. everything around me, i can see coming and going. i was trying to be selfless, but now i'm starting to lose myself too. the two people i wanted to keep close to me all my life; they're stepping away. i wake up and i feel alone, everything's dark, sun has set. if i had a car, i would run out right now, just for a drive. turn up the music, get lost in the wind, scream out the things that i've been keeping in my heart forever. cry all i want, laugh, eat, let the feeling sink in, then throw it back out. fight it. i want to go on a roadtrip and get lost forever. i dont even know what to write anymore. i feel lame. (: being able to make fun of myself sort of makes me feel better.