times new roman

i swore,

for the last time, it'd be.

a field of poppies it took

for one to come

another to leave,

and yet another to linger

in the depths of a forestful

sky, azules, stained crimson

in the waking of a

brightness

settling, lost in

an enthusiast's daydreams;

an interlocutor

between serendipity and

a mistake far gone.

inscribed,

entrenched for a lie that

never gave a penny.

it knew no mind

and befriended no pastures

none too sad,

a field of shattered pasts

i couldn't recollect

even with

an adieu to startle

the wakes of diminutive

chary susurration.

untitled

i am not

nothing.

i will not

let you convince me so either.

i am

bigger than life.

i will

continue to believe

that love has a place for me.

kissed by rose petals

the soulful melody

that sang, sang a little

boundless in

the lyrics it held.

shelf upon shelf,

leaning forever towards

a never after

and that foolish

sort of a love i held;

a moment's worth of

leaves that greyed,

the strands

that gave up pigments of

inflamed adoration.

bubble gum electric

i can't remember

the last time i felt

so slight

and

small.

and i thought

it'd be

the last of me.

the last of you?

because somehow, it turned to be

always about you

but never us

and i can't remember

half the things

that i used to

be so

so ecstatic about

except

the french dinners

and street lamps

and balancing along the concrete fence

stepping over grass

and feeling you breathe

and tandem bikes

that the sun only too happily

smiled for.

i don't remember

i can't remember.

a love in four-d

secretregrets.com:

"

I regret not being in your life after high school. "

"I regret that i can't tell you, mom how much i love you and how much you mean to me & i really want to be best friends with you."

"I regret living a lie for almost a year, even though I know I would be happier without you, I stick around for the kids sake and fear of the unknown. "

"I regret that I miss you, and smile when I get the chance to see you."

"i regret trying to be with you even after i knew you didn't want me anymore."

.. and if that isn't enough to say, there are too many of these posts, one after the other, all wishing for the same thing. Love. Care. Concern. Something to live for, something to find bliss in. When will we ever stop depending on others to carry us through? Are we really so incapable of being disconnected from this flawed, hurtful web of connections and feelings?

I ask so, not because I wish to reprimand anyone of their inability to distinguish independence from their concept of interdependence.

I ask so, because I suffer from the same disease, and all too much.